33.3% Done, 100% Learning

Yesterday I had my 4th treatment of 12. So ya, I’m 33.3% percent done chemo! During my obligatory insomnia after treatment, I’ve began reflecting on “what’s been my learning”. SO MUCH LEARNING! 

Chemo Patients are not Judgy

Right from the get go I started talking to other patients in the suite. Some patients have headphones in, have their head down, are napping or texting or reading. But others make eye contact, smile, give knowing glances when something happens in the suite (new patient, volunteer with cookies, joke being cracked). These patients are the sharers, the helpers, the commiserators. I like these people!! (Please don’t get me wrong, chemo sucks and it’s ok to have your head down and get through it … I don’t judge!!)

Yesterday was a long chemo for me – 3 1/2 hours – since I was also getting Herceptin (I get this every 4th treatment). So there was quite the ebb and flow of patients in my section (many have 1 hour treatments). I was in the first “bay” where there are two nurse sections. I’ll draw it for you:

drawing of chemo section
This was my first week in this area. I liked it because it’s more cozy. The other section shares the long back wall & more chairs (beige too), so it’s more spread out.

At one point there were a total of four ladies having their chemo – all in the second category of people… the eye contact people. I noticed that the lady across from me had no eyelashes and eyebrows but a full head of hair. To her right the knitter had soft fluff growing in on her head. To my left the lady’s hair was obviously thinning. So I started up an alopecia conversation. It was AWESOME to hear their stories and advice!

It’s not like being new mother where everyone weighs in on breastfeeding and circumcision and family beds and pretty much EVERYTHING where there is a choice to be had! These women were smiling and nodding and laughing. Not judgy. It was so refreshing.  

 

Make Friends with Digestive Cookies

They’re all you’ve got when you forget a snack.

I need to investigate into this choice of chemo cookie. 

digestive cookie

Seeing Friends at Chemo can be Heartbreaking

On my first day in chairs at the Cancer Centre when I was waiting to see my Onc, I heard a voice I knew. I looked over and recognized a friend and former neighbour. I babysat her kids for years. I loved her boys, her house, her husband’s twinkle in his eye and generous laugh, her huge smile and loving heart, her trust in me. I was immediately sad and happy to see her. She is now obviously a patient. Thinner. But in no way diminished. I waited for her to stop chatting with the lady who was sitting 2 seats over. When I called her name, she looked at me, paused and gave me that look. Oh! Oh. And we talked. 

Yesterday a former Teacher Candidate walked through the suite with his mom while I was chatting with my sister. He heard my voice, looked over and came to give a hug. I think I gave him the look. Oh! Oh. And we talked. 

It is far too easy to lose touch with people that you value and love. I will strive to do more reconnecting and less disconnecting. Meeting people in the cancer clinic who you love but have become disconnected from? It’s bad ju ju.  

 

Silver Linings Exist

On my 2nd treatment day I met Kari who came in with her dad and mom. Her dad was having his first chemo. He was in the chair to my left. It was stressful and hard for them all. We chatted, commiserated, I tried to support, we shared information. Now we text every once in a while and check in on each other’s lives as we live with cancer.

Sparks of light connect in strange places. And I’m grateful for it. 

 

Noticing Matters

I can’t even tell you how many notes, swearing socks, dinner contributions, emails, gift cards, brown chair texts, books, comments on the blog, chocolate, spa treatments, hugs, visits, jewelry, prayer, tea, etc etc etc x100 that I’ve received from family, friends, colleagues, students, former students … the list is overwhelming to me.

tea
At this point I appear to have all the tea in China.

One of the things that have surprised me have been the bits of support that are related to my treatment. We all know that side effects suck. So when I get tips that help me, I REALLY appreciate it! Here are some examples:

  • Adrienne told me about Secaris which is a clear gel that I stick up my nose to ease the sinus pain. (Better than the Vaseline purchased 10 years ago!)
  • Jim told me about chewable Papaya enzyme (who knew??) and Natalie sent me Digize which is an essential oil that I put it in my vaporizer or rub a diluted mixture on my chest – both ease heartburn.
  • I got stool softener advice from the lady with thinning hair! It works!! omg and that was yesterday! TMI 
  • Wig advice from Jane and Jenn (who I don’t know but a friend hooked me up with her via email).  
  • My cousin Cheri who is a prof at U of Windsor and is currently researching the benefits of exercise for breast cancer patients sends me pertinent research journals (from Current Ocology – A Canadian Cancer Research Journal). There are exercise guidelines in there that I am thinking about trying to follow. Sorry Cheri. WIP.
  • Cheri’s colleague Lisa whose research of the benefits of yoga. I’m doing better with that one. Thank god for Yoga with Adriene
  • A local doc friend got me onto reading Research Monographs for the drugs I’m taking. Fascinating and helpful. (I like data.) 

It’s ALL important. It doesn’t matter what it is … big gesture or small gesture … doesn’t matter. It’s primarily the noticing and the encouraging. The medical stuff is like icing on the cake.

Note: I apologize to all of those people in my life who I didn’t pay enough attention to when they were going through HELL. I think that I felt far away and unknowing and unhelpful and not wanting to say the wrong thing. BUT THAT WAS STUPID. STUPID!!!!! So if someone in your life is going through something – let them know that you are in also in the universe, thinking about them. That’s all. (Sorry Jayne. Sorry Jane. Sorry Sherri. Sorry Jim. Sorry Kirk. Sorry Marilyn. I love you. Please forgive me.)

And so…

Bottom line is that I’m learning. This learning journey is hard, but important, as all journeys are. Thanks for walking it with me. Thanks for teaching. Thanks for helping. 

9 thoughts on “33.3% Done, 100% Learning

  1. Sometimes we have to suffer a bit to learn what things are important in life. Top of my list are family, then more family, then friends. Trying to stay in touch is always a work in progress

  2. I love your posts, Janice. Your drawings, and your ‘learnings’, and your spirit. You are such an inspiration. I know there are lots of rough times, too. Other than tea, do you need anything. I have loads of books I could send you. xo

  3. It seems we learn the most once we have to be “in those shoes” ….becoming a wife, becoming a mother, losing a father, empty nesting, supporting friends and now you, with your healing. The deeper the experience, it seems the higher learning and so ….wisdom. You are so wise sista. We love you immensely. You are an inspiration to me every single day XO

  4. Janice, I remember when my son Cameron was sick with cancer several years ago and i was going through a very tough time in our family’s life, you collected money from our high school alumni to help us out with a cleaning lady to help ease our household chaos. thank you janice for that! you reached out and supported me when it was most needed. You are so strong and you will beat this janice!!!

  5. Thank you, thank you for writing this beautiful piece Janice. So many people are constrained precisely b/c of that fear of doing/saying something wrong; or of imposing; or of not being a close enough friend to be a legitimate contributor. Your post shows just how wrong headed that is.
    Remember when we were all doing the Random Acts of Kindness in our classrooms and schools? This is a call to resume that wonderful practice. Hugs and kisses to you dearest amazing friend.

  6. The present is what matters as we can’t do anything about the past and you were helping take care of hundreds of kids. i know mine will never forget his grade 8 trip. Kirk

  7. Dear Lord, beautiful girl! I need to know if I can show up on a Wednesday, or if JC and I can come do some gentle yoga with you. I have a gift for you from OLA and the lady who wrote it says “thank you” to you for the blogging you’re doing, because it lets us in. It can be really hard to get in, even when you want to. There’s our own fear, and sometimes the person who is ill is too afraid to let people in, too.

    You are such a gift to all of us. I want to come knit with the knitters!

    Lisa

  8. Janice – thank you for your wisdom and sharing…your perspective is inspiring. When I reviewed your diagram, I felt like I was there – or wanted to be in the 3rd chair next to you and Lou…xo Keep the learning coming as it benefits all of us.

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