Tag: surgery

Silicone Boob Man

A couple of weeks ago I finally got to meet the renowned plastic surgeon Dr. D, at his office in the dirty dirty Schwa, broken wrists and all (he’s not operating right now, relax). First time I’ve ever visited a doctor and shopped at Chapters in the same location, but whatever. Silver linings are everywhere, I find!

Dr. D

I arrived to a small waiting room that was empty save for two older Italian ladies who were struggling to understand the information page they had been assigned to complete. I asked if there was anyone there – they indicated in broken English that the receptionist was out for a coffee. Huh? Within moments Dr. D himself emerged and handed me my own clipboard, then 5 minutes or so later he re-emerged and got me. Not typical waiting room protocol, but oh well!! 

Armed with my notepad and pen, I followed him into a small office – typical 2 chairs in front of a desk, atypical large reclining type exam chair (like a dentist’s chair) in the corner. Weird. But ok. Maybe boob exams need to be upright to observe perkiness. (My mind works this way.)

He thanked me for coming, I asked him how his wrists were healing up – small talk kind of thing, and then he asked me lots of questions – when was my bilateral mastectomy, had I had any operations other than that, etc. He had never heard of a SCAD heart attack – I explained it – he indicated that I’d have to be cleared for any surgery by my cardiologist. Interesting fact #1. 

Once he was done asking background questions he opened a drawer and pulled out two sample boobs. This is where I leaned forward in my chair. 

The boobies

He started by showing me a sample of the expander boob (proper term is tissue expander) and explained that after an incision is made across the scar line, the expander is placed behind the pectoral muscle. Saline is injected once a week for 5 weeks (or until the desired size is reached). The expander has a round spot on the top that is made of a different material – the injection goes in there. But I didn’t ask about any more details. (Expander questions weren’t on my list lol.) If you are interested, you can look at what the Mayo Clinic has to say (a favorite resource of mine).

Then he chose a suitable implant, noting my previous bra size and commented “you have more droop to your skin” (um, ok … I know what you are getting at and I’m 54, ok?). He handed it to me. Of course I stuck it against my chest and thought to myself “There is no fucking way I’m going to wear a bra again!” which translated to me explaining in the nicest way possible that I don’t actually want breasts – I just want things smoothed out. Can’t you do that? 

Pause. Dead air kind of pause. 

The “this is want I want, what I really really want” discussion

I suppose it’s not common for a patient to come to you and say that they don’t actually want what you have to offer (boobs). I told him ya, I really just want to smooth it all out. Is that possible? So then he said he had to take a look at my chest. He left while I put a robe on (likely because “take your shirt off so I can have a look” sounds inappropriate – but really, … I mean he’s just going to pull back the robe and look anyway! Waste of time. But it did allow me a moment to capture this stunning robe in a mirror photo.)

So I sat in the dentist’s chair and waited. He came in and asked me to stand up (so why have the chair?). He then looked at my chest, allowing me the opportunity to point out exactly what I want smoothed out. Isn’t it OBVIOUS? OMG. 

Here’s the first shocking info: when I grabbed onto the fatty remnants of boobie and said “Can’t you just get rid of this leftover breast tissue … I mean why is it even here?”, he told me that it’s not breast tissue. OK WHAT? Nope, it’s SKIN. (Well it’s skin that looks an awful lot like the bottom of my old boobs!!) Interesting fact #2. AND … if he removes it, it will be concave. Interesting fact #3.

I’m thinking that it would be like the divot that Dr E (initial surgeon) causally told me occurred because they likely took too much fat attached to the skin in that spot.

So then Dr. D gave me a bit of an anatomy lesson – showed me where my pecs start and explained that the entire breast was removed. I said “so the breast is in a capsule?” – he confirmed that more or less, yes. Interesting fact #4 BUT I can’t seem to verify this with Dr. Google which bugs me. Regardless, all this time I thought they just missed some of my boobs. 

Dr. D went back to the implant drawer and grabbed another sample – a considerably flatter implant with a much greater diameter. He said that this implant would achieve the effect that I want. That is, if I want an implant. 

But … do I want an implant? 

No I really don’t. I don’t want to have a foreign body in me if I don’t HAVE to. “Lots of people have foreign bodies in them and are fine.” Dr. D had noted. True. Prosthetic hips and knees, pins and bolts to hold together plates that support broken bones, stents, pacemakers… But breasts are optional. Cosmetic. Other implants are not.

At the beginning of our meeting he said (with resignation in his voice) “I’m sure you’ve heard about the recall of textured tissue expanders and implants in the news.” Yes, I said, I had. (I can’t imagine that women getting cancer from a specific type of implants is particularly good for business.) He explained that implants are made of silicone. I listened. And I asked if there are other options

Dr. D’s Wife

It turns out that Dr. D’s wife is also a surgeon who specializes in reconstruction using the DIEP Flap method. (Two breast people. Imagine what that means, just for a moment.) I’d seen this term referenced here and there but didn’t know a lot about it. Dr. D gave me a summary: fat is moved from one part of your body to recreate your breast. But before he’d explain further, he needed to know if I am a candidate – in other words, do I have enough fat to move. (I was literally scoffing out loud at this point – OMFG my belly might be an ASSET!! I’m the IDEAL candidate! Interesting fact #5.)

He asked me to unzip my pants so he could have a look at my belly (no robe required here, I noted). And then to drop the robe off my shoulders so he could see my back fat (the reason I won’t try on sports bras at LuLu Lemon anymore). He pronounced me a candidate DUH and we sat back down and he told me:

  • it is a day long surgery (really, a day? You mean 24 hours? 5 hours? Come on. I’m a details person. But I let it go.)
  • an incision is made across the belly (right across …)
  • tissue and a bit of your abdominal muscles are removed (my FAT and a blood supply source)
  • implant is done
  • the blood supply has to be carefully connected so that the tissue does not necrotize (um gross)
  • you have to stay in the H for approx 3 days
  • your abs take a while to heal

I asked if chunks are taken out of the belly – how does that work (imagining two hunks of fat taken out). “No, it’s an incision across … like a tummy tuck.” OK ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?? (Obviously Interesting fact #6, am I right?)

He then showed me what the two procedures look like when they are healed – implant versus DIEP Flap. Essentially implants are more perky and symmetrical and there is a massive abdominal scar with the DIEP Flap. There are plenty of stories of people who have had the DIEP flap surgery done – this one is a good one to look at!

Risks

I asked about infection and risks (thanks Jenny). He admitted that yes, implant surgery comes with a much higher risk of infection. “It’s a foreign body.” (Calmly stated, like I’m an idiot.) Note that he did NOT talk about any other risks. But I will tell you! 

I follow #flatandfabulous on Instagram – a hashtag used by cancer survivors who have had a unilateral or bilateral mastectomy (one or two boobies removed). There are many interesting, brave, strong women who share their photos, stories, challenges, fears, etc on instagram. Recently I started following @hollykthrasher who had implants removed after they made her very sick. It’s called an EXPLANT. Interesting fact #7.

Coles notes: Holly went through implant surgery, had marvelous tattoos done and yet was never feeling well afterwards (heart palpitations, sinus issues, muscle & joint pain, chronic inflammation, insomnia). She finally determined, through intrepid research, that her implants were making her sick. She had them removed. Here they are (with the skin and part of her tattoos clinging on).

Note: these implants were in Holly for almost 3 years. You can see a layer of tissue around the implants. These “capsules” are formed by the body as a response to the foreign body being there – likely as a matter of protection. Explant surgery is painful and difficult, since the capsule must be removed as well. 

Second Note: Within weeks after the explant surgery Holly said she felt like her old self. You can read more about her or buy a copy of her book (that chronicles her journey) on her blog

Of course this is not to say that everyone will develop “Breast Implant Illness” (BII is a thing!). But some do. 

What’s Next?

I’m going to see Dr. D’s wife, at Sunnybrook and find out more about the DIEP Flap surgery. (We’ll call her Dr. S.) I don’t know that I want the procedure done, but I don’t want to say no till I have all of the information. I have to admit, the tummy tuck / smooth chest combo pack is rather appealing. 

I can feel a pros and cons list forming. 

 

What’s Done is DONE!!

These days I’m thinking about being DONE and what it means for me to be DONE (yell a bit when I put done in caps, ok?). 

I’ll break it down a bit for you. In the next two weeks I have:

  1. a meeting with my surgeon
  2. my final Herceptin treatment
  3. my portacath removed

Each of these appointments represent a different kind of DONE (nice job) and a bit WOOT WOOT (emphasis here too, please, maybe twist your wrists in a circle).

Surgeon Visit

First of all, surgeon man is very charming WOOT WOOT, so I like to visit him, and this will be my last visit with him. Nuff said about that. Secondly, I’m planning to talk to him about plastic surgery and the hypothetical referral that I was given by someone that I cannot recall right now (I think it was he the surgeon, but could have been my family doc). Bottom line is since I don’t know who said they’d refer me, or who they said they’d refer me to, I haven’t been able to follow up, and therefore I don’t know where I’m at with the referral. This is my life. Just ask my secretarial staff. 

I digress. Why do I want a referral? Two reasons:

  1. My chest wall looks like sand dunes. I don’t need breasts, but I’d prefer tabla rasa rather than a Dali-esque distorted chest wall. Who cares, you might ask? Well, I care. When I wear clothes that cling I don’t care that I’m “flat chested / non-breasted” (the name of my imaginary post-retirement company that sells bathing suits with no cups). But I don’t want clinging tops that show the deep tracts of my scars. That just looks wrong. Troughs across my chest are not a great look. 
  2. I want to have some tatoo work done on my chest WOOT WOOT and I’m thinking that the “memories of boob” bumps could impact the design options. (But what do I know about the effects of bumps on tatoos…)
See what I mean?

So ya, I want to see a plastic surgeon. Can she (yes, she’s a she, I remember that much), … can she do something easy to flatten me out? What about the one deep sink hole? That thing is just going to look worse as the years pass, I can tell you that. 

Belly button #2 and portacath bump in upper right. Vogue material right here. 

You can see why the surgeon appointment is an important DONE for me – because it’s a done with a twist. Done with him, and on to surgeon #2. WOOT WOOT!

Final Treatment

This one is a clear DONE. My treatment regimen was 12 chemo treatments (in a row, so once/week for 12 weeks) and 18 Herceptin treatments (once every 3 weeks for a year). I had to miss one Herceptin treatment because of the heart attack, so that’s why I’m finishing 3 weeks later than prescribed. No biggie.

I’ve been counting down the treatments since the summer, each time taking the nurses the same number of treats as treatments that I have left. So it’s become a bit of a “thing” for me. I started with 13 dipped oreos, then 12 muffins …

…11 drinks. You get the idea…

I really love the nurses in the chemo suite – they’re all so welcoming, positive, gentle, nice… (even the one who I had some reservations about once – I’ve kept my eye on her). Because of the nurses, the chemo suite becomes a safe place to be when you’re in treatment. People are in various stages of feeling shitty, and the nurses treat their patients like family. It’s a nice, calm place to be, and I actually enjoy going. I know that sounds whack, but it’s true. Warm blankets, understanding and a couple of cookies go a long way. 

I can’t say that I’ll actually miss going, but it does feel kind of like the end of summer camp. I have to say goodbye. To make it easier, and to thank them for getting me through it, my good friend Annie is coming with me and bringing a whole bunch of her gorgeous charms that she makes out of recycled glass. I’m going to have each nurse choose a charm for her necklace or bracelet. I’m excited to say thank you that way. I think they’ll love Annie’s work. WOOT WOOT!

Are you surprised that we’re friends? 

Truly though, I won’t feel truly DONE till …

Portacath Removal

I get this sucker out one week after my last treatment. Take a look at this video – it gives me video envy! I have no idea how that woman got permission to video the removal of her portacath, but I’m seriously jealous!! It’s so cool to be able to see what’s being done to you. 

portacath
I am seriously looking forward to this coming out, even though I was offended that I’m not allowed to drive myself home afterwards. I mean, what’s the big deal?

Having the portacath has been a huge asset. It has been so easy for the nurses to deliver chemo and Herceptin. I have seen some of the other patients’ struggles with collapsed veins, and I’ve felt so grateful for my port. It was also super handy when I had morphine injected straight to my heart while I was passing that GD kidney stone! The relief was literally INSTANT (jazz hands here). 

Many people will tell you that cancer is a “journey”. It’s true, it is. My journey is almost DONE. It’s about fucking time. 

One Year Since Boob Removal

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my boobs being cut off. (I wonder if I’ll be reflecting on it every year … jesus I hope not.) I’m not making a boobie cake or anything (although the thought did cross my mind, I’ll admit it). But I have been thinking about it a lot. Mainly because it’s not at all what I thought it would be like. 

This is me, baby.

How I felt THEN

Actually, I’m not sure that I even considered what I thought it would be like to be boobless. It all happened so fast – mammogram to surgery in 2 months. (I won’t go into the galloping again – you can read about it in an old blog post.)

I went in to the hospital on surgery day preoccupied with the hope that Dr. E would have the time to take off my second boobie, the cancer-free one. I was definitely in ‘get ‘er done’ mode. “I’ve got cancer in me? You’re not sure how far it’s gone? TAKE IT OFF. And, oh, … PLEEEEEASE take the other one off too.” I was so focused on him taking them both that I didn’t think too much about all of the other stuff. Like what it would be like to have no boobs. I didn’t actually care. I mean, I felt lucky that they caught the cancer and that it didn’t appear to have spread outside of the breast. It wasn’t like they were going to cut off my arm. It can always be worse!! 

I did, however, have the presence of mind to take one last photo of the cancer boob. Lou gave me this white cami for post surgery survival and I decided to snap a before photo. (I’m not even going to talk about my hair at this point. Oh yes I miss it, I miss it. But whatever. Wah wah… )

Double crosser.

How I feel NOW

It’s complicated.

On one hand, I don’t miss my boobs at all. Not even a bit. I’m done with the boobies – they served me well and they were quite frankly awesome at nursing. But after that was all done, they were a bit more trouble than they were worth. For example: 

  1. I had to endeavour to make them look perky… pushing ’em up. The bras, the bras. The straps! The underwires! Too tight, too loose. So glad to be done with those. Hallelujah! 
  2. They were a hindrance to activity.
    • Diving into the lake – the bather flies up, boobies pop out / poke out. HA! Diving with no boobs is A DREAM!! No adjustments necessary! I’m basically Victor Davis reincarnated. (Loved that guy.)
    • Pose of the child is called that for a reason. It’s not called ‘pose of the middle aged woman’. No. Having no boobs makes pose of the child POSSIBLE. 
    • Sleeping on your stomach does not require major adjustment. I just sleep. MAGNIFICENT! 
    • Drinking out of the tap does not necessitate my laying my boobs on the edge of the sink. It’s so damned easy! 
  3. They were sweaty!!! And now… no more boob sweat! No more drips between and under the boobs ladies! I can wear a tank top happily. Joyfully. Playfully. Watching me. (I’m always singing in my head. Can’t help it.)
  4. Getting ready quickly was so tricky!! For example, in a woman’s world when someone suddenly comes to the door and the boobies are loose and low under a baggie sweatshirt, they are broadcasting to the unexpected at the door “ya I know it’s 2:30 pm and I was still in my jammies”. Now a T shirt is tossed on in 3 seconds. Dressing is so damned quick. 
  5. Most of the good Halloween costumes were unattainable. Now I’m just so much more believable!! 
I love my VP.

On the other hand, it’s strange having no boobs. I was just so used to them! I still do a double take when I walk by a mirror. I don’t care that I am flat chested. It’s just weird to see. Like when you get your hair chopped off and colour it. (Another blog post… honest to god it’s coming.)

I have no desire to have implants or wear prosthetics (again, the bras… why????), but there are two things that really do bug me:

My chest does FEEL FUNNY. 

You know the feeling when you have to get a bit of fluff out of your belly button and you dive in there to grab it with a Q-tip or your finger? It’s a weird inside-your-body feeling. That’s what the scars on my chest feel like. They always feel like something. Vaguely tight. Kind of numb-ish. They feel.  

My chest is not flat. 

In fact, it’s like sand dunes. The scars are deeper than my chest. (I know there’s a surgical explanation. I will ask Dr. E and get back to you.) At any rate, the scars basically run through the middle of two dunes / divots / valleys. And that’s visible when I wear certain clothing. 

Sand dunes. Essentially.

Why do I care? Well… recognizing that this may sound totally lame to you, or quite vain, I’d like to have a nice smooth chest canvas for a couple of tatoos. So ya, I’ll see a plastic surgeon and find out what’s possible. 

Soon we’ll talk about the hair. 

post it note

Feelings of Booblessness

It’s been a whirlwind getting to this state. 

dressing
Booblessness, staples, drains & nausea (and still smiling when I’m not bossing people around…)

September 14th was a routine mammogram, November 17th bi-lateral mastectomy … and all of the requisite appointments in between. It went like this… 

Routine mammogram, mag view mammogram, family doc appt to explain biopsy, biopsy, family doc appt to explain result of biopsy, surgeon, bloodwork, MRI, surgeon, surgeon, bloodwork, surgeon, surgery, recovery. All in 2 months. 

Lots of support along the way from Paul, my family, friends and staff, with helpful tips like this…

card
(I find that it always does.)

… and of course lots of chocolate, books, wine, knitting materials and tea. People know me. 

I only had to have the right breast off – as well as a sentinal node biopsy. I wanted the left breast off as well. It wasn’t having an “Angelina Jolie”, which everyone comments on me having – from friends to nurses to the anaesthesiologist. Her surgery was entirely preventative and she had reconstruction done at the same time. I wanted to have my left breast off purely for convenience. Sounds pretty vain, wanting to part with my own flesh because I’m too lazy to make a concerted effort every day to make the vacant space on the right look like the sagging boobie on the left. Truth. I didn’t want to have to put forth the effort involved to have a prosthetic boob handy in order to avoid putting anyone in a state of discomfort. I’d rather toss on a T-shirt when I want to. And put on a SET of IDENTICAL prosthestic breasts when I feel the need. 

So … here I am now. In recovery. Staples come out on day 10. After that I’ll be wearing this beauty that my loving sis got for me. I think it will be pretty much 24/7. 

cami
This camisole is built specifically for people who have had a mastectomy – there are little slits for the fake tits to go in… but it also hugs in super tight. 

After the healing I’ll find out the results of the sentinal node biopsy. (That’s where they inject isotopes in to the nipple area just before surgery, then track the nodes that they go to and mark them with a sharpie. The surgeon removed those nodes during surgery and now they are off to the lab where they will be dissected and searched for cancer cells.) And after that, I’ll find out the results of the breast tissues. The data that comes back from the lab will inform the next steps of treatment. One step at a time. 

And in the meantime, I need to go fake boob shopping and Annie & Bree and I will be designing mastectomy tattoos …